Still working on this “one” cleanup / decluttering / orgranization / sanctifying project (the cabin).
As I reduced clutter by one paper-bag full of books+ that’s been sitting on the ground for months, took pictures of a variety of neglected odds and ends that would be better thrown away, cleaned and dusted and consolidated and reorganized the books (without deciding to get rid of EVEN JUST ONE of them), I contemplated my three worst hoarding behaviors.
I differentiated three of my most problematic hoarding behaviors from each other:
1) COMPULSIVE ACQUISITIONS
2) INABILITY TO ORGANIZE, MAINTAIN, & MAKE USE OF MY STUFF
3) INABILITY TO LET GO / DISCARD
I’m probably not supposed to say these are “inabilities”. But whatever … just writing this out makes it easier for me to point to sources of a lot of these challenges, along with potential solutions:
Why do I compulsively acquire things (that I can’t afford &/or for free) that I have no time to put to use or space to store?
Well … a lot of that is a lack of clarity. Not having a clear vision of WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME, where I am going, and how long I have to get there.
The solution, in that case, is to clarify my values, my goals, my strengths, and my limitations.
Sometimes that is as simple as investing time in identifying what colors look good on me and bring me joy, versus what colors do not, and following some capsule-wardrobe guidelines to only acquire clothing pieces that fit in that clear vision.
A harder part of clarity is recognizing that life-time is finite and accepting I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT ALL. I will not be able to USE all this, ENJOY all this, or even keep all of this clean.
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Why are these behaviors problems? How are these behaviors negatively affecting me?
Tackling my stuff to organize, clean, and de-clutter (and ideally reduce the amount of stuff Ihave) almost always forces me into painful recognition of the negative consequences of my hoarding behaviors.
The main thing I have to face is that all of my disorganized stuff has not and is not getting me what I really want. The more clearly I admit and spend time focusing on what I really want most without shame, within the freedom of my imagination to envision THE BEST of what could be, the more easily (yet still painfully) I can see that … this shit is not doing it. This is not the way there. And that somehow I have to plow through to get to the other side and/or LET GO OF MORE, FASTER.
But today, and through most of this current project, I accept that I am not ready. That I am afraid to let go of all of it, all at once. That I am attached to old stuff and unrealistic visions rooted in all kinds of fears.
It is really unpleasant to acknowledge that if a leprechaun or genie in a bottle or something appeared and offered to exchange 90% of my possessions for my dream house, office, furnishings, and wardrobe as long as I could identify and set aside up to 10% of what I own now within 24 hours, I would be scared, grief-stricken and possibly unable to do it AND afraid that my vision of “dream” life set-up would be woefully incomplete, blurry, and missing out on key STUFF!
LOL – actually this is an awesome proposition. I know there is no genie in a bottle, but preparing for this might be a really fun assignment to identify what STUFF I have that I actually value and is irreplaceable, and clearly see WHAT KIND OF LIVING AND WORKING SITUATION I WANT INSTEAD.
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I know there are books and articles and websites and tiktok stories and all kinds of resources that outline all of these things I’ve written here, so why am I bothering to blog about it? Well … “discovering” things on your own (even if it’s REdiscovering, deep in your guts, or returning again and again to lessons that somehow haven’t sunk in enough to lead to positive change) is more effective than just reading someone else’s easily outlined research or a different person’s anecdotes. Journaling about feelings and observations and realizations AS THEY ARE HAPPENING personalizes the information. Taking notes reinforces learning so it sticks in your brain. Publishing a log of your learning gives you a memory-triggering resource you can refer back to to reinforce what you’ve learned in your own words, to see how far you’ve come, and to provide a mirror down the road when you might be less willing to face the truth. You at a different time might benefit from insights provided by a younger-you at a different point in your journey. Later-you might be better prepared to separate the wheat from the chaff, refining what you’ve learned into more coherent versions.
The more you repeat these notes, the more clarity you get. It’s the stuff you repeat the most that rises to the top of your consciousness. The more you repeat the same stuff, the more certain you become of it. When you start seeing the same things around more and more corners that you turn, you are better able to prioritize where to focus your efforts.